I've been sucking. Sucking in every aspect of my life lately, but mostly money and weight loss, which seem to feed off eachother. We are piss broke right now, everyone wants money from us and I don't know if they expect me to start pulling it out of my ass or what, but we just don't have it. So becasue we have no money, I can't afford to go to WW every week, which in turn makes me depressed becasue i'm not losing. I'm not losing because i'm not going to the gym, and i'm not eating well because i'm not going to the gym... what a cycle i'm stuck in. It seems that lately i'm not evern trying to lie to myself with some kind of BS justification as to why I ate McDonalds twice this week. I'm just mindlessly becoming who I used to be, a person I swore i'd never be again. WTF.
I promised myself i'd lose another 10 pounds before Kris came home...well, he's home in 2 weeks and i've probably gained 10 lbs.... at least 6 and i'm not kidding. So i'm feeling like he won't be proud of me when he comes home. This is the first time since i've started WW that he's going to see no positive difference in me when he gets off the plane. I've been a big lump of poor me's and excuses and i' m tired of it.
This is me, kicking my own ass this time. If I can't do it to myself then there is no way i'll ever get back on track. Hopefully once this oil bill is paid off I can get back to WW and the support of the meetings. Until then, i'm alone, and going to have to suck it up and deal with it.
-I will not let my mother be right, I will not let her see me fail because that's what she's expecting.
-I will do this because of how much I ache to have children
-I will be successful at this because somewhere in me, I know I can. I deserve this for me.
-I will shop in a regular store, and wear regular sizes.
-I will reward myself along the way but keeping in mind they are NOT the finish line.
-I will not be scared to succed.
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Thursday, July 10, 2008
I'm stripping, I'll call you back
In regards to the last post, I was really hammered lol A couple girlfriends came over to hang out and have a BBQ. The BBQ went well and I stayed very OP and was proud...until the drinking started. Before I knew it , it was 2:30 on a Sunday afternoon and I was buzzin'. I had only planned to have a couple mixed drinks, hang out on the deck and just visit. whoops. Luckily I don't drink often anymore becasue although my mix was zero points, I did drink a pint and a half of sourpuss with it lol. Moving on!
It's been sooo hot here that it's hard to go outside let alone got for a walk! So I broke out my Carmen Electra Strip Tease DVDs lol. I chose to do the second one "Fit to Strip" hahah I love it! It was all isolation work outs and it was sooooo awesome! I felt great and had a crazy sweat on! Althought my poor doggy had no idea why I was on the floor and wouldn't play with her! She was bringing me all her favorite toys, biting at my hands and hair and finally she just jumped on top of me and looked at me all :"WTF" like lol. Poor thing. It's hard to do crunches with a dog pulling on your ponytail, but she did add a little more resistance to the pelvic lifts when she was sittin on me! OH and the phine rang 1/2 way through my work out and caller ID said it was my sister so I picked up the phone and just said "i'm stripping i'll call you back" hahah which was fine until the voice of my father goes "WHat the hell?" hahah whoops
I went, a little scared, to my WI yesterday and came out with a 1.8 loss so I was super stoked about that! I was only a little worried becasue I used ALL my weekly points( and probably then some) drinking on Sunday. While I understand most people use some if not all of the WP's I never do. Most weeks i'll used less than 5, if any ,and I was scared what'd it do to my WI but I don't think it did a whole lot.
Anyway today i'm back OP and committed to drinking all my water and sticking to my workout routine. 3 more pounds till my 10%!!!!
Oh and Kris is home in 10 days! yay!
It's been sooo hot here that it's hard to go outside let alone got for a walk! So I broke out my Carmen Electra Strip Tease DVDs lol. I chose to do the second one "Fit to Strip" hahah I love it! It was all isolation work outs and it was sooooo awesome! I felt great and had a crazy sweat on! Althought my poor doggy had no idea why I was on the floor and wouldn't play with her! She was bringing me all her favorite toys, biting at my hands and hair and finally she just jumped on top of me and looked at me all :"WTF" like lol. Poor thing. It's hard to do crunches with a dog pulling on your ponytail, but she did add a little more resistance to the pelvic lifts when she was sittin on me! OH and the phine rang 1/2 way through my work out and caller ID said it was my sister so I picked up the phone and just said "i'm stripping i'll call you back" hahah which was fine until the voice of my father goes "WHat the hell?" hahah whoops
I went, a little scared, to my WI yesterday and came out with a 1.8 loss so I was super stoked about that! I was only a little worried becasue I used ALL my weekly points( and probably then some) drinking on Sunday. While I understand most people use some if not all of the WP's I never do. Most weeks i'll used less than 5, if any ,and I was scared what'd it do to my WI but I don't think it did a whole lot.
Anyway today i'm back OP and committed to drinking all my water and sticking to my workout routine. 3 more pounds till my 10%!!!!
Oh and Kris is home in 10 days! yay!
Sunday, July 6, 2008
Thursday, July 3, 2008
:(
Today was not a top notch day for me. Didn't go to bed till after 3 am last night and didn't get up till noon today. Feeling quite sad and lonely today, it's week 3 of Kris being gone to Ft. Mac for shitty work. He'ss be home in 16 days by his count but I can't bring myself to start counting till single numbers. He's been working away now for 2 years, 4 weeks on/2 off, 8 weeks on/2 off, 5-6 weeks on/2 off. I hate it. The first time he left it sucked but I got used to being my myself with the dog. But it seems to only get harder every single time he comes and goes, like more of my heart and soul goes with him everytime he gets on that damn plane.
We got married almost a month ago and I was lucky to have him home for a week before and a week after. People said it wouldn't change after we got married becasue we've been togeher for 7 years... yeah well guess what, it changed. I don't know, I feel broken inside, half of my really is missing. I'm super glad to have found the WW board last week though. With Kris gone, and so busy at work with little time to talk, these girls give me the fuel and inspiration to keep going. I know in my head that today is just a sad day and I know tomrrow will be alright, but i'm having a tough time focusing on tomorrow.
I went out to the movies tonight with a girlfriend to see Wanted and it was good. A little more blood than I thought there would be but i liked it. Now i'm bad again and somehow managing to feel sorry for myself again lol. Havn't talked to Kris yet tonight, he's working overtime, which is great for him since it keeps him busy and not too focused on missing home. I rather be the sad one then have him feel like this.
I think i'll clean some litterboxes (oh what joy) and crawl in bed early tonight. Maybe if I get my sleeping back on track things will go better tomorrow!
We got married almost a month ago and I was lucky to have him home for a week before and a week after. People said it wouldn't change after we got married becasue we've been togeher for 7 years... yeah well guess what, it changed. I don't know, I feel broken inside, half of my really is missing. I'm super glad to have found the WW board last week though. With Kris gone, and so busy at work with little time to talk, these girls give me the fuel and inspiration to keep going. I know in my head that today is just a sad day and I know tomrrow will be alright, but i'm having a tough time focusing on tomorrow.
I went out to the movies tonight with a girlfriend to see Wanted and it was good. A little more blood than I thought there would be but i liked it. Now i'm bad again and somehow managing to feel sorry for myself again lol. Havn't talked to Kris yet tonight, he's working overtime, which is great for him since it keeps him busy and not too focused on missing home. I rather be the sad one then have him feel like this.
I think i'll clean some litterboxes (oh what joy) and crawl in bed early tonight. Maybe if I get my sleeping back on track things will go better tomorrow!
Wednesday, July 2, 2008
First Post!
I've been doing Weight Watchers for 11 weeks today and decided I needed a place to talk about everything that goes on during this weight loss journey. I also love the double edged sword that is my blog title lol. So here it goes...
I Joined the WW program on April 1st, after years of struggling with my weight and even at one point loving it. I mean, I love who I am but I was finally tired of being the one out of breath or feeling like the token fat friend. I lost 6.6 pounds my first week which I think gave me a real boost and I fell in love with WW.
Then the closer the wedding got, the less time I had to cook and even think, let alone think about what I was putting in my mouth. I took a 3 week "break" from weighing in and was terrified to go back. In those 3 weeks away from my meetings I loaded up on the pizza, BK and McDonalds all with the wedding as an excuse. When I went back to my meetings low and behold, somehow I only managed to gain 1.4 pounds, a small miracle if you ask me.
Last week, my first week "back" I lost 4 pounds and overshot my personal 20 pounds lost goal. I have never in my life lost that before and it felt like a million bucks! I was a little scared to weigh in today as yesterday was Canada Day. With Canada day in Fredericton comes dundundun....curly fries! I ended up eating 1/2 a plate of them, however, it was better than the entire plate of them I ate last year. But I made myself go and lost 3.8 pounds!!!
I HIT 25 POUNDS TODAY!!!
I was glowing at the scales i'm sure lol
I Joined the WW program on April 1st, after years of struggling with my weight and even at one point loving it. I mean, I love who I am but I was finally tired of being the one out of breath or feeling like the token fat friend. I lost 6.6 pounds my first week which I think gave me a real boost and I fell in love with WW.
Then the closer the wedding got, the less time I had to cook and even think, let alone think about what I was putting in my mouth. I took a 3 week "break" from weighing in and was terrified to go back. In those 3 weeks away from my meetings I loaded up on the pizza, BK and McDonalds all with the wedding as an excuse. When I went back to my meetings low and behold, somehow I only managed to gain 1.4 pounds, a small miracle if you ask me.
Last week, my first week "back" I lost 4 pounds and overshot my personal 20 pounds lost goal. I have never in my life lost that before and it felt like a million bucks! I was a little scared to weigh in today as yesterday was Canada Day. With Canada day in Fredericton comes dundundun....curly fries! I ended up eating 1/2 a plate of them, however, it was better than the entire plate of them I ate last year. But I made myself go and lost 3.8 pounds!!!
I HIT 25 POUNDS TODAY!!!
I was glowing at the scales i'm sure lol
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