Mmmm..Cupcakes

Mmm... So I just made these cupcakes and they are still warm ...Mmm.... Best part is that they are only 1.5 pts each! Score! You take a box of Betty Crocker Devils Food Cake Mix and mix it with 15 oz of pure pumpkin and voila!
Other than making yummy cupcakes (that are even better when you add a tbsp of light cool whip to them!) things are slowly looking up here. My knee if still hurting and sore but i'm able to work out for 25 minutes of cardio compared to my usual 40, but it's a start! My eating this week was horrible and I know i'll hardcore pay for it tomorrow but yesterday went well, as did today. Enough of my pity party, i'm moving on!
I don't have a whole lot to update really. Kris has a job interview on Thursday so keep your fingers crossed for me!!

Old vs. New

I've been trying to stay positive this week but I am having a hard go of it right now. I think the majority of it is the fact that I havn't worked out becasue of my knee. I hate feeling laid up and have been eating like a mad women which in turn is making me feel worse. In on part of my head is the smart girl who's determined to change her life, who knows what it'll take and is willing to change and stick it out. Then there is the old me, the one who doesn't think she can do this, who feels unable, unwilling and alone in her personal struggle to lose this weight. My husband is normally good but he's been umemployed for over 10 weeks now so he's hot and cold with his moods and it gets hard sometimes to manage both of our mood swings lol. I understand how he's feeling but there is nothing I can do to help which I think is why it bothers me so much. When his mood swings affect me, I want to eat. And this week the old me is winning over the new me.

My knee is still pretty messed up, but I am dragging my sorry ass to the gym today. I need to. I have to get out of this house and feel active! I'll take it easy but I need to go. I just hope I don't do more damage while i'm at it. It's time for me to get out of this funk and tell the old me to eff off :P

OH!!

AND! I forgot to add to my shitty day that our washer is broken! ugh!

Stupid Knee!

So last week I somehow managed to fall off the step stool at work hurting my right ankle, left knee and wacking my head on the shelf (only my luck I swear!). Having a bad left knee since I was 12 years old this caused much more problems than it would have if anyone else did it. A week later and my knee has gotten worse everyday meaning my gym workouts have been slim to none which makes me sad. I can hardly walk let alone work out but still it's so frustrating!! Since my family doctor is over 2 hours away from where I now live I had to call in a huge favor. I called the doctors office (also my best friends dad) and got him to fax an anti-inflamatory medication to a pharmacy here in Fredericton so I could have somthing to take. Plus now that i'm married i'm no longer covered under my fathers health coverage so I had to pay for it ...ugggh. Then on top of paying for the meds I had to pony out another $40 for a half decent knee wrap so I can suffer through work. Blah. Shitty day!

Onto less bitchy things... Last night I decided to make my Chicken/Tzataziki pizza to take for lunch today! I take a whole wheat pita, spread it with Tzataziki sauce, then a layer of spinach add some cooked and seasoned chicken then top with some low fat shredded cheese and perfection!!!!which is why there is a 4th of it missing in this pic :P



Mmmmmm...... Oh and while i'm on the subject of foods! I have a new favorite chip. Before WW I was a chip monster and I had a hard time over coming it when I started WW. But these Pringles are soooo worth the 3 points...even if I can only have 14 chips, they are so worth it!

Anyway, all in all this as not been a fantastic day for me. I'm in pain and I feel crappy. I want to work out and I can't and i'm feeling cooped up in my house and it's sooo damn nice outside! I want to take my puppy for a walk! Alas, instead i'm off to veg on the couch, icing my knee and enjoying pain medication!

16 weeks!

So at today's meeting I got my 16 weeks award and lost .2 pounds. I wasn't too broken up about only losing .2 since I wrecked my right ankle and left knee at work this week and the gym was far from my mind!

The first time I was in WW I almost panicked when I hit my 16 weeks. It was almost like I decided to quit now before I lost too much, that way when I failed I didn't have too much weight off, like it wouldn't have been as much of a disapointment. Weird things the mind does eh? This time though i'm committed to the long haul and sticking to this life long change.

Return of the Mac!

I love that song... but anyway... I'm back.

After the wedding and everything I was gone from WW for a little over 2 months. I decided almost 16 weeks ago that I was going back, no more excuses. When I re-joined I had gained 10 pounds and was kicking my ass for it too. In a matter of 2 months not only did I gain 10 pounds but I also lost all I worked so hard for by having to restart from scratch as a WW member. I mean I know I didn't lose the feeling of having lost 30 pounds but having to start over at 1 pound again seemed almost overwhelming!! So in my 3 month tracker I got out my whiteout and divided the weight-loss colum in half, what i've lost so far according to WW and what i've lost in total. I think it was the best thing to do for myself. I don't think I could have "started over" altogether!

I had a really hard time losing since i've rejoined which is also very frustrating! in 16 weeks last time I had lost almost 30 pounds! My new 16 week is tomorrow and i've only lost 12.6 friggin pounds! WTF? I found this time a lot harder! To keep on track and to keep track altogether! I'm finding food more tempting and my willpower is a lot less than it used to be. For about 5 weeks in a row I lost nothing, up/down, up/down until I was ready to pull my hair out!! I decided I needed to up my gym routine because my body was getting to used to what I was doing, I went to the gym 6 days a week and lost half a friggin pound! BUT! The next week I didn't give up, I kept at it and my hard work caught up to me and I lost 4 pounds in one week.

Losing 4 pounds in one week after not losing anything for so many damn weeks set me on my merry way to getting my head out of my ass and realizing why I was paying for WW in the first place.
I need this. I deserve this. And I CAN do this!!

Time to get back to it.

I've been sucking. Sucking in every aspect of my life lately, but mostly money and weight loss, which seem to feed off eachother. We are piss broke right now, everyone wants money from us and I don't know if they expect me to start pulling it out of my ass or what, but we just don't have it. So becasue we have no money, I can't afford to go to WW every week, which in turn makes me depressed becasue i'm not losing. I'm not losing because i'm not going to the gym, and i'm not eating well because i'm not going to the gym... what a cycle i'm stuck in. It seems that lately i'm not evern trying to lie to myself with some kind of BS justification as to why I ate McDonalds twice this week. I'm just mindlessly becoming who I used to be, a person I swore i'd never be again. WTF.
I promised myself i'd lose another 10 pounds before Kris came home...well, he's home in 2 weeks and i've probably gained 10 lbs.... at least 6 and i'm not kidding. So i'm feeling like he won't be proud of me when he comes home. This is the first time since i've started WW that he's going to see no positive difference in me when he gets off the plane. I've been a big lump of poor me's and excuses and i' m tired of it.
This is me, kicking my own ass this time. If I can't do it to myself then there is no way i'll ever get back on track. Hopefully once this oil bill is paid off I can get back to WW and the support of the meetings. Until then, i'm alone, and going to have to suck it up and deal with it.

-I will not let my mother be right, I will not let her see me fail because that's what she's expecting.

-I will do this because of how much I ache to have children

-I will be successful at this because somewhere in me, I know I can. I deserve this for me.

-I will shop in a regular store, and wear regular sizes.

-I will reward myself along the way but keeping in mind they are NOT the finish line.

-I will not be scared to succed.