Time to get back to it.

I've been sucking. Sucking in every aspect of my life lately, but mostly money and weight loss, which seem to feed off eachother. We are piss broke right now, everyone wants money from us and I don't know if they expect me to start pulling it out of my ass or what, but we just don't have it. So becasue we have no money, I can't afford to go to WW every week, which in turn makes me depressed becasue i'm not losing. I'm not losing because i'm not going to the gym, and i'm not eating well because i'm not going to the gym... what a cycle i'm stuck in. It seems that lately i'm not evern trying to lie to myself with some kind of BS justification as to why I ate McDonalds twice this week. I'm just mindlessly becoming who I used to be, a person I swore i'd never be again. WTF.
I promised myself i'd lose another 10 pounds before Kris came home...well, he's home in 2 weeks and i've probably gained 10 lbs.... at least 6 and i'm not kidding. So i'm feeling like he won't be proud of me when he comes home. This is the first time since i've started WW that he's going to see no positive difference in me when he gets off the plane. I've been a big lump of poor me's and excuses and i' m tired of it.
This is me, kicking my own ass this time. If I can't do it to myself then there is no way i'll ever get back on track. Hopefully once this oil bill is paid off I can get back to WW and the support of the meetings. Until then, i'm alone, and going to have to suck it up and deal with it.

-I will not let my mother be right, I will not let her see me fail because that's what she's expecting.

-I will do this because of how much I ache to have children

-I will be successful at this because somewhere in me, I know I can. I deserve this for me.

-I will shop in a regular store, and wear regular sizes.

-I will reward myself along the way but keeping in mind they are NOT the finish line.

-I will not be scared to succed.